Prayer for someone who is ill

What we are actually asking for

Almost everyone starts by asking for recovery, and there is nothing wrong with that — the Gospels are full of people asking for exactly that. Ask plainly, for what you want. God is not offended by a specific request.

But the Church never promises that the request will be granted as stated. What she promises is that nobody prays alone, and that even an unanswered prayer is not wasted. This is the part that is hard to hear and it is better said than hidden.

Psalm 91 — the old prayer for the sick

Psalm 91, “You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High”, has been prayed over the sick for centuries. It is the psalm people reach for when they do not know what to say: it does not argue, it shelters.

You can pray it aloud at a bedside, or in the car, or at three in the morning when you cannot sleep. Length is irrelevant. Read it slowly and stop where you are.

Is it free? Yes, always

Praying costs nothing, and neither does leaving a name to be prayed for. We will never ask you for money in order to pray for a sick person — that would corrupt the thing itself.

The anointing of the sick

The Church has a sacrament for this: the anointing of the sick. A common misunderstanding is that it is “last rites”, only for the dying. It is for anyone seriously ill, before an operation, or weakened by age — and it may be received more than once.

If a person is dying, the final Communion that accompanies them is called Viaticum — food for the journey. That is a distinct thing from the anointing, and both can be celebrated together.

You can ask for it even if the person has not been to church in years. If a priest hesitates, say plainly that the person is ill and asks for the sacrament; that is a sufficient reason.

How to pray with someone who is ill

Ask first. “Would you like me to pray with you?” — and accept a no without arguing. Illness is one of the last places a person still has control, and taking it away is not a kindness.

Keep it short and do not explain. Two sentences and a sign of the cross is enough. If they can follow along, even better.

Do not perform certainty you do not have. “I don’t know why this is happening, and I’m here” is a truer prayer than a promise you cannot keep.

Touch matters. Holding a hand while you pray seems to do more than the words, and this is also true for people who can no longer speak.

When nothing changes

This is the honest question. Sometimes the person does not recover, and the prayer seems to have gone nowhere.

Two things are worth knowing. The first is that people who pray for the sick are not usually praying only for a medical outcome — they are praying that the person is not alone, that they are not in pain, that they do not lose hope. Those prayers are frequently answered, and they are not small.

The second is that the Church has never taught that enough faith produces a cure. When someone tells a sick person that their illness is a failure of faith, that person is teaching something the Church does not teach, and it does real harm.

Two things you can ask for

You can ask for a Mass to be offered for a sick person. This is the most complete thing the Church can offer for anyone, and it can be asked for by anyone, whether or not the person knows.

You can also simply leave a name and light a candle — it costs nothing at all. That is not a lesser thing; it is a real prayer, and we will pray it.